Compréhension
by Breze
Summary: [Complete] A short, dark vignette on Tsuzuki.


_Warning: I was on a sugar high when I wrote this. It shows. ^^;; _

_Spoiler: A little on the Kyoto arc. _

_Disclaimer: . . ._

_About: A short vignette on Tsuzuki_

Compréhension 

People still acts the same around me.

Kachou does, with his sweet tooth and silent understanding. The fatherly figure I never had. 

Tatsumi does, with his gentle words behind a serious facade. The unrequited lover who denied me. 

Watari does, with his smile that genuinely seemed to brighten up the world. The best friend who never truly understood me. 

Terazuma does, with his sharp tongue and an even sharper attitude. The bitter rival I never came to hate. 

Wakaba does, with her soft, radiant beam and soothing words. A reminiscent of the sister I had lost. 

Yuma and Saya both do, with their cheerful auras and innocent determination. Reminders of those I tried to destroy. 

But it remains an act. 

I could see the tiny cracks on the masks they wear. 

I could see the spark of alarm in their eyes when I cease smiling for even a second. 

I could see the brief exchange of looks when I refuse a dessert over a too full stomach. 

They say that crazy people don't realize they are insane. 

I don't think I'm insane. 

Does that make me crazy?

Even then, even if I am crazy, I am not stupid. Let alone blind. It isn't that hard to see behind the cover they try to hide behind.

They fear me. 

They fear that I will lose control once again and bring forth my demons. 

To destroy myself.

To destroy them. 

They fear.

Why don't you?

You still stare at me with that cool green gaze. Gaze that sometimes glow and shift into chips of vibrant emerald. Solely for me to see.

You still speak to me in frosty tones and harsh words. Words that can turn into mumbles of sweet nonsense. Solely me to hear. 

You still deny me at times of the cool reassuring touches only you possess. Touches that could burn with need. Solely for me to feel. 

Why?

Why aren't you like them? 

Why doesn't your mask slip?

Or is it that you don't have one?

I've heard the whispers and mutters when I walked pass the office.

They said that you rescued me from the burning depths of Hell. 

They said that you shielded me from the dark flames that licked the core of my heart. 

They said that you were the light that banished the darkness surrounding my soul.

That you were the saviour. 

That it must have been my catharsis. 

You weren't.

It wasn't. 

It was damnation all over again. 

And you were the one to damn me. 

I hated you for that.

How could you not have seen I wanted release?

How could you refuse me of leaving this cursed existence?

How could you deprive me of what I deserved?

HOW COULD YOU !?

I could have yelled at you.

I could have hit you.

I could have pushed you into Tohda's flames and watched you burn.

But I didn't.

A part of me accepted the slender arms that wrapped around me. 

A part of me enveloped you in that desperate embrace. 

A part of me asked if I could stay by your side.

That part of me felt transcendence when you nodded your approval. 

I didn't understand that part of me. 

I still don't. 

Because that part of me stopped me from hating you. 

But you understand, don't you?

You understand why I would bend under the urge to enfold you in my arms.

You understand why I would touch my lips to yours, and yearn for something within you that seems to answer my unvoiced calls. 

You understand why I would bury myself in you, with you, and breathe in the unique scent of cherry blossoms that carries your silent acceptance. 

You understand. 

I don't. 

I don't understand why I see you every night before I dream. 

I don't understand why my heart aches when I am alone without you. 

I don't understand why it becomes so much easier to smile with you by my side. 

But I'm willing to understand. 

Will you teach me?

Will you tell me why?

Because . . . 

Until I understand, I will keep myself safe. 

Until I understand, I promise to protect you. 

Until I understand . . . Will you stay by my side?

:: L'extrémité ::

_Footnote: _

_Compréhension ~ French for "Understanding"._

_L'extrémité ~ French for "The end"._

_I know . . . no more writing for me when I'm on a sugar high. ^^; I couldn't help it! It jumped out at me from nowhere and forced me to write it down!! :: rants and raves like a madwoman :: _

_Anyway, before you think I'm utterly insane (don't comment on that), yes, I know there is a lot of unnecessary paragraphing and disjointed language used in there. Why? It seemed fitting. And no, I don't think Tsuzuki is like that. It was the sugar that thought that. _

_Any comment? (please tell me there is . . .)_


End file.
